Hi Danni. Just wondering how you are doing? I just ended a 2.5 year relationship with a guy that treated me so well the first year but the last year and 6 months was nothing but emotional rape. I was always blamed and I started to think that it was my fault.
to all of you who feel it is sexist. It is not sexist at all. the majority of emotional rapists are men. In some societies emotional rape is encouraged and taught to young boys/men as the way to treat women.
Rape of the Soul
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Please continue to show others the potential causes and hidden pain people could be feeling from others who invaded their minds and violated their souls, and that it was real and that we can grow and become stronger.
Rape is the forcing of a soul tie between the rapist and the victim, the 2 are forced to become one. During this time the guilt of the sexual sins of the rapist is forced onto the victim, Usually rape victims feel ashamed, even of their own body - this is the guilt that has been transferred, which frees the rapist from that guilt and shame.
Almost two decades after the end of the war in Kosovo, survivors of war-time rape will, from January 2018, receive long overdue recognition of and a measure of reparation for the harm they suffered during the armed conflict. The legislative changes making this possible fall far short of international standards for reparation and needs of survivors who will continue to be denied access to free healthcare and adequate rehabilitation. Despite the widespread and systematic nature of conflict-related sexual violence in Kosovo, perpetrators have not been brought to justice and survivors fear that the crimes committed against them will remain unpunished.
My belief in myself and the inherent goodness of others lie in ruins on the top of that unmade bed. In the 29 years since, I've never fully believed in anything. It's like my soul was ripped out and replaced by a copy -- a perfect replica on the outside but empty within.
[Plaintiff L.T. is] a skinny, white, passive, non-violent, short timer, who is blind in his right eye. . . . On 1-25-97, at aproximately 2:00 A.M., plaintiff went into the bathroom of seven (7) barracks and inmate C.Williams followed after. Plaintiff used the urinal and as he turned, inmate Williams pulled a shank (glass knife) from a book and threatened to poke plaintiffs other eye out and kill him if he did not let Williams fuck the plaintiff. Williams then told plaintiff to go to the rear corner of the bathroom, pulled a small bottle of lotion from his pocket and made plaintiff rub it on his penis. Williams then put the shank to plaintiffs throat and said "turn around and pull those pants down," which plaintiff did for fear of his life if he did not. Williams then raped (penile penetration to anus) the plaintiff with the shank at plaintiffs' throat, pressing it and saying "shut up bitch" when plaintiff began to moan and wanting to scream from the pain. After climaxing and wiping himself off, Williams said "If you ever tell anyone, I or one of my gang members will kill you, in here or in the world." . . . . Plaintiff suffered great physical pain, although short lived, and continues to suffer severe emotional and psychological mental anguish as a result of being raped . . . . Plaintiff has taken, and was just re-prescribed, anti-depressant medications which do not seem to help. Plaintiff believes this incident alone . . . has caused a nervous disorder, his inability to concentrate and a worsened memory, and the lack of energy or desire to do the simplest of things, inexpressable humiliation, raging anger, etc. etc.; all of which plaintiff does not see any drugs, counseling or monetary relief from the defendants being able to cure.(301)
L.T.'s experience of rape was violent, painful, and humiliating. The rape itself was physically agonizing, the resulting rectal soreness lasted several days, and L.T.'s intense fear of contracting HIV persisted for months. But worst of all, for him, was the devastating psychological impact of the attack. Racked by continuing nightmares, depression, and thoughts of suicide, L.T. believed that the rape had irretrievably damaged his psyche. Formerly a friendly person, he found himself retreating from social contact, becoming angry, suspicious, and reclusive. Despite the mental trauma he suffered, he received no counseling while incarcerated, nor did he succeed in obtaining legal assistance in his subsequent court challenge to the abuse. Without having secured psychological treatment or any measure of accountability for the violent injustice he had endured, L.T. was paroled from prison in late 1998. His case is all too typical.
Some inmates contract HIV as a result of prison rape; for them, the consequences of the assault may be deadly. Other inmates are killed or seriously injured during the violent physical attacks that sometimes accompany rape. But all inmates who are raped suffer psychological harm.
Although invisible, the psychological effects of prison rape are serious and enduring: they raise important questions regarding the failure of prison authorities to take effective measures to prevent such abuse. The physical brutality of rape is deplorable. Nonetheless, the physical impact of such abuse is often less devastating, and far less permanent, than its psychological impact. Indeed, many instances of non-consensual sex occur through coercion, threats or deception: they may not leave physical marks, but deep and permanent psychological injury.
The physical effects of a sexual assault obviously vary according to its circumstances: whether, for example, the incident involved a violent attack, whether there was anal penetration, and whether a lubricant was used. As described in chapter V, a forcible rape that occurs as part of a larger physical assault may be extremely violent. Prisoners with whom Human Rights Watch is in contact have suffered rape-related injuries ranging from broken bones to lost teeth to concussions to bloody gashes requiring dozens of stitches. A few, like former Texas inmate Randy Payne, were killed during sexual assaults.
Transmission of HIV, the virus which causes AIDS, is a serious threat to victims of prison rape. In 1994, an Illinois inmate, M. B., claimed that he contracted HIV from being repeatedly raped at the Menard Correctional Center. He tested HIV-negative after being sent to Menard in May 1993, but was HIV-positive when tested again the following April. M. B. filed suit against the Illinois Department of Correction, prompting Rep. Cal Skinner, Jr., an Illinois state representative, to introduce legislation to protect prisoners against rape.(303) As Representative Skinner warned, victims of prison rape face the possibility of an "unadjudicated death sentence," subverting the intent of the criminal justice system.
Several other prisoners with whom Human Rights Watch is in contact state that they have contracted HIV through forced sexual intercourse in prison. K.S., a prisoner in Arkansas, was repeatedly raped between January and December 1991 by more than twenty different inmates, one of whom, he believes, transmitted the HIV virus to him. K.S. had tested negative for HIV upon entry to the prison system, but in September 1991 he tested positive. During the relevant time period, K.S. made numerous requests for assistance to prison officials, describing the sexual abuse and asking for protection.
Rape's effects on the victim's psyche are serious and enduring.(311) Inmates like L.T., whether they fall victim to violent sexual attacks or to more subtle forms of sexual abuse, leave the prison system in a state of extreme psychological stress, a condition identified as rape trauma syndrome. Given that many people in such condition leave prison every year, it is important to consider the larger consequences of prison rape. Serious questions arise as to how the trauma of sexual abuse resolves itself when inmates are released into society.
Victims of prison rape commonly report nightmares, deep depression, shame, loss of self-esteem, self-hatred, and considering or attempting suicide. Some of them also describe a marked increase in anger and a tendency toward violence.
Victims of rape are likely to blame themselves for their predicament, leading to intense feelings of shame. As described previously, situations of unwanted sexual contact in prison run the gamut from violent gang rapes to subtle forms of psychological coercion. Even where extreme violence is used, the victim often worries, deep down, that he did not put up enough resistance. Indeed, there is some sense, under the unwritten code of inmate beliefs, that a real man "would die before giving up his anal virginity."(313) By the very fact of surviving the experience, therefore, a prisoner may worry he deserved it: that he has, at the very least, been proven to be "a punk, 'pussy,' or coward by not preventing it."(314) Although this view is not universally held--many prisoners recognize that it is the perpetrator alone who bears responsibility for their victimization--it is still widespread among inmates.
M.R., a Texas inmate who was nearly killed by his rapist, described this reaction, which he saw as unavoidable: "Men are supposed to be strong enough to keep themselves from being raped. So when it does happen it leaves us feeling as though our manhood has been stripped from us and that we are now less than what we once were."(318)
Once a prisoner has been forced into such a role, he may easily be trapped in it. The fact of submitting to rape--even violent, forcible rape--redefines him as "a punk, sissy, queer." Other inmates will view him as such, withholding from him the respect due a "man." Having fallen to the bottom of the inmate hierarchy, he will be treated as though he naturally belongs there.
The belief that rape damages one's innermost self is strong among inmates. Indeed, for the perpetrators of rape, this belief provides a compelling reason to commit the act: rape appears to be the most powerful way to injure and degrade its victims. But what comes of the victims' conviction that they have been fundamentally damaged? Human Rights Watch's research suggests that at least some minority of prisoners who endure sexual abuse will turn violence on themselves or others. 2ff7e9595c
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